Roommate Wars
Sun. 06.27.04 - 1:43 a.m.

Feeling: unsure
Listening: nothing
Quote:

Ron's memorial is Wednesday and boy-roomie will be on a plane heading for Boston. If I go, I will be going alone. I really REALLY don't want to go. Especially not alone. I would have had a hard time going even if boy-roomie went with me. The last time I was at a memorial/funeral... it was for my grandmother. I've been doing VERY well with this whole thing; i'm simply avoiding it all. I don't think about it. The fact that his cousin has moved his stuff out helps too.

We've already found a roommate to replace him.

Replace him. that sounds so... blah. Anyway, she's a girl I work with. I don't really know her and she works on a different floor so i almost never see her.

I don't know why, but I think I don't like her.

My friends can attest to the fact that rarely do i NOT like a person. Only in cases where I get a very strong negative vibe from them do I not like them. From the very beginning, when she was just someone i occasionally saw in the break-room i had a bad vibe from her.

That's all i can call it- a bad vibe.

I don't trust her. She seems selfish and stuck up. Her niceness seems forced and fake.

Funny how the girl that doesn't like to be judged (me) is doing a hell of a lot of judging. I know, I know.. i should wait to get to know her first. And I will. I'm just not looking forward to being proven wrong on this.

So you're wondering why we would let her move in when i didn't like her, I bet. Well, it all happened because Ronny (one of my new friends) tends to have a big mouth.

[You might want to read up the CAST section as i updated it for some of the new friends i've made that i'll probably talking a lot about in here (yes i've been making friends!).]

So i told Ronny that my roommate passed away. One day Camille comes up to me and says "i heard you're looking for a roommate.."

I didnt really want to show her the room, but i felt stuck. My big mouth had already told Ronny that i hadn't found a roommate yet. I decided there was no harm in showing her the room. I told M about it and set up an appointment for her to come look at the place. I wasn't able to attend as I had to work that night. M emailed me that afternoon to get the details of the appointment and info on her.

I was THISCLOSE to telling him i wasn't sure about her.. that i didnt really get a great feeling from her.. but decided that it wasnt fair of me to put that idea in his head before he got to meet her. I figured we'd discuss it after i got home from work that night.

I get home.. and M greets me with "So Camille decided to take the place!"

"uhm...."

"OMG! OMG! you didn't want her?!"

"no.... it's ok... it's alright.. it'll be fine.."

No, I didn't want her. I ended up confessing the next day when Emily came over to visit. Emily has wanted to move in to this place ever since girl-roomie moved out. I felt bad telling M how i felt.. he kept saying over and over.. "i feel like such an asshole.. I only told her she could have it because i thought you wanted her here! why didnt you tell me how you felt? It's so important that you liked the person that moved in. You're one of the best roommates i've ever had, the nicest person i've ever met.. your happiness is SO IMPORTANT. I wish you had told me.."

I told him it would be fine.. we'd make it work somehow.

I feel like i lost a little bit of my freedom. I don't feel like i can be myself at home once she moves in. And the fact that she's really close to Ronny makes it even worse. What if she and i don't get along? Will that make things weird with Ronny too? Will she say things to her friends at work? Will I get whispered about? Will ROnny be over here all the time? Will she be throwing parties left and right? Is the house going to be divided now?

argh. I know i sound so childish right now but blahhh. I don't like this. I don't like it one bit.

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