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just precious Feeling: inferior I got home pretty late from work last night. Normally i'd get home at midnight but they asked me to stay a little late because we had some corporate bigshots popping in for a visit. Our store is actually right down the street from headquarters, so we get a lot of corporate people in often but this was a bit more serious.. and for some reason, we've been swamped with sales this week so the store was completely TRASHED last night. We cleaned for 2 1/2 hours and it still looked a little bad when everyone left.. they asked a few of us to stay another 15 minutes but that couldn't have helped much. It's their own fault though, they keep cutting everyone's hours. So we only had about 5 people on the women's floor to close the store (there are 2 other floors, we had the most people on ours though). 5 might sound like a lot but when you think about the fact that we have over 200 employees and they gave us 5 people to close our floor when we shattered their sales goal for us for the day (usually it's about 50k- we did over 100k) there's no way in hell 5 people can get a store cleaned up. haha i swear, there were just PILES of clothes all over the place; on racks, in bags stuck behind fixtures, on the floor, etc.
and the fun part is........ i get to do it all again tonight! oh joy. i just woke up and i have to leave for work at 1 (in 2 hours). my life rocks yo. hehe
anyways, so yeah, after i got home i just REALLY needed to relax. lotta other oddities goin on as of late but i think i was just really tired from work. oh and my feet hurt. here's a hint: don't wear heels when you're going to be on your feet for 8 hours. i think they're still a little sore this morning. heh After i'd been home for about an hour, Monkey fixed he and I some bacardi/coke and we just stood around in the kitchen eating cold pizza from a box on the counter, drinking, and laughing our asses off at eachother. It was SO much fun! I haven't had a moment like that in... ugh i don't know how long. I think i just REALLY needed that. You know, just hanging out with a really good friend, relaxed, comfortable, and just open to say whatever you want, think, feel. It was just so real and PERFECT. I'm smiling just thinking about it now. It's moments like that, that i wish i could capture and on a day where things aren't going so great, pull out that moment and look back on it and smile. Moments like that are bittersweet though.. because i think about how i'm really going to miss him. Monkey. I've come to think of him just like a brother. It's going to be so hard leaving this place.. no matter how badly i want to be in Boston. hehe i made him laugh to the point where not only was he crying but we both had to leave to other rooms, calm down and come back cuz he couldnt stop laughing and i thought i was going to choke on my pizza. Anyway, as much FUN as i had with Monkey, something he said bothered me a little. We were talking about school and then he got onto the subject of partying. He started making a joke about how if i ever wanted to party in Boston, "M|T people are the ones to party with." He started going on about his reasons for saying that. Which of course got us to how M|T students are "the creme of the crop" in his words. I made a naive comment in response to that which just sent Monkey into fits of laughter. He said, "you're so precious." Meaning that i was being so UNBELIEVABLY naive and stupid.. and i found myself thinking, 'god, i'm so way out of my league here.' For a minute i started to wonder why the hell people like Ethe or John ever waste their time talking to me. I mean, this is what my life has been reduced to- stressing over my retail job? gross. someone shoot me. i had this talk with Monkey a few weeks ago when i was sick. I told him how Y had been lecturing me that he felt i was wasting my time here in SF. That i wasn't accomplishing anything. Monkey agreed that Y did have a point on some level. I can't disagree. I mean, especially now that I wont be going back to school this fall because i'm moving to Boston next June, I feel like i'm wasting a whole year of my life. A year i could be in school! ugh. I've thought about just taking a class or two just to start to get into things but hell, if i'm trying to get another job how am i going to find the time? I'd probably do a math class actually because i need to seriously work on that. I managed to bypass all my math classes the semesters i've been in school but it's hurting me now and even more so when i go back to school next year.
Cannot compute.
My whole point in rambling was to say i feel so completely self-conscious now. I mean you would think it would have dawned on me before.. it's not like i didn't know how gifted he was. And the whole M|T thing? Yeah i was proud of him but it wasn't something that i swooned over. But now, after everything Monkey said, i feel like i have no business even associating with Ethe. I haven't talked to him since yesterday and I feel like the next time i do.. i won't know what to say. I know for sure i'll be analyzing every damn thing i say from now on. Jeez. I've lived my life like that with everyone- always trying so hard to come across as mildly intelligent. With Ethe i could just be ME and that was good. I didnt have to worry about impressing him, he acted as if he was impressed enough with my averageness. But now.. after this, i think i've lost that. That really bites. Hah! and to think he was helping me pick out schools. I'm such an IDIOT sometimes. This whole thing has me feeling like such an embarrassed fool. I mean, i know he'd never say anything cruel or demeaning to me but let's be honest here. I'm nowhere NEAR as smart as he is and he would have to be deaf and blind not to know that. I don't even know what i'm saying anymore. ugh i'm starting to confuse myself.
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