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keep your distance Feeling: weird It's funny when after going through your life feeling like everyone's always held back with you, you find yourself holding back with everyone else. It's like i'm not even trying anymore. I used to be one of those people that didn't like being without company. I grew up in a big family. I always had a lot of friends. On the rare occasion I found myself alone, it was hard for me. These days, it's like i go out of my way to be alone. I push my friends away. No return phone calls, emails, letters. I go for weeks without talking to them. Even people I WANT to be close to, i've pushed away. Monkey. John. Pohae. Ethe. I haven't been calling home much either. For a while I went back to calling home about once or twice a week. I don't think i've talking to my mom in two weeks. I found out that she's vacationing on another island from my ex, Y. heh x. y. get it? ehh i'm a (wannabe) dork. Anyway. I find myself irritated with everyone too. Last night, I got out of work at close to midnight. As I was checking out with security I was handed a phone message "Ronny says he'll pick you and Amanda up." um. I didn't realize I was going anywhere? Amanda, clay-like as she is, was overjoyed. Me, so fucking irritated. Who the hell does he think he is? He's going to pick me up? I was never ASKED to go anywhere. I was never asked if I wanted to get into a car with anyone. Don't you TELL me that you're going to pick me up and take me somewhere and to top it off not leave a message as to WHERE i'm being taken! The nerve.
Maybe i'm just PMSing. I seriously had the urge to deck someone yesterday. The woman had it coming too. Maybe there's something wrong with me. As John would say, the word maybe is superfluous in that sentence.
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