a little bit of this, little bit of that.. serve chilled
Fri. 11.19.04 - 1:01 p.m.

Feeling: cheerful (yet sleepy- stupid coffee hasn't kicked in!)
Listening: more 80's hits
Quote:

I always find it funny how as soon as i mention something that's going on in my life.. something happens to alter the situation in some way.

Adam called last night.

In a way i was surprised, and in a way i wasn't. I actually missed his call the first time; he left me a voicemail and i called him back. When he picked up he was all cheerful like normal and said "hey! long time no talk" and i gave him the same cheerful attitude right back. The thing is, it wasn't fake at all. I'm done caring about people who don't care about me. I'm done stressing over such situations. If he's friendly, i'll be friendly right back.. i'm just not going to go out of my way to be friends with him. I'm not going to call or text message him throughout the week to say hi, see how he's doing unless he shows that he's willing to be a better friend. As i see it right now, he isn't. Sure he gets points for calling me and saying hi.. but then again, he doesn't. He's a friend. He's SUPPOSED to call and say hi. I do it for everyone else and it's about freakin' time people started doing it for me, too. I'm tired of putting all the work into my relationships. Even with my family. If i didn't call them, i'd probably never hear from them (with the exception of one of my sisters who calls me early in the morning several times a week just to be a pest).

So that's the Adam situation. He's still coming for Thanksgiving. We're not as close of friends as we used to be, that's not going to change anytime soon, and i'm perfectly fine with that. I'm looking forward to just having a nice quiet thanksgiving.. i don't think there'll be any issues.

So what else has been going on with me.. I'm trying to cut down on my interaction with Y. He did something the other day that made me realize just how controlling/manipulative he can be with me at times. It's funny how it took me so long to see it, but i finally do. Part of me hurts thinking of ignoring him.. i feel bad and guilty.. but there's another part that knows maybe this is what's best for ME and that i need to stop thinking about what's best for everyone else.. it's time i thought about me too; at least half the time.

I'm going to San Diego for New Year's!! I haven't made my flight reservations yet (i'm getting that taken care of today) but i'm super excited.. AND SCARED AS HELL. I'm spending it with John. I've been promising to visit him for a year now and it's about time. Plus i never do anything fun for New Year's so i figure it'll be a great way to start off the new year.

Well, back to work i go. Ta ta for now..

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