Trains, Ducks & Starbucks
04.28.04 - 6:52 p.m.

Feeling: relaxed and happy
Listening: cars passing outside the window
Quote:

The train ride was fun.. i found my way to the station just fine. ugh. i'm LOVING it here (see previous entry to understand what i mean about HERE). I think this was the best thing i've done for myself lately.. i'm having such an amazing time!

Right now though, my friend isn't home.. she had to run out for a little so i'm using her computer for entertainment.

I've been taking a bunch of pictures.. which i'll post when i get back to SF. My favorite part of being here so far... is feeding the ducks in the mornings and walking to starbucks late at night. yay i love being out at night.. especially around here. it's so calm, quiet.. and you can see the STARS! Today we had sushi for lunch (omg i've been eating So much good food while i've been here- i'm SO going to pay for it later just you wait and see). But yeah, sushi today. Funny thing is it was a play off the ol' "sushi boat" theme.. where a boat circles your table carrying trays of sushi. there was no boat though. The sushi was carried by a train. hehe.. it even whistled as it passed.

Something's been kind of bothering me. Before i left SF yesterday, i got a message from Y asking me if i wanted to go to lunch with him (i guess he was considering driving up). I told him i was actually on my way out of town, i'd take a raincheck. Last night, I checked my phone and saw that i had a missed call from him. I called him back and he said he was just calling to see if i had made it to M. Hi|| alright. I thought that was so sweet. Which is where my problem (or whatever you want to call it) comes in to play. I feel confused. Wait. First, I'm stressed out that he's worried about me. I think it's absolutely sweet but i dont want him to worry about me. I feel like he just worries because he's in the habit of worrying. I dont want him to feel like he has to worry about me anymore. It's not about my pride. It really is about the fact that 1. he shouldn't be worrying about me because he's not my BF anymore and 2. i dont want him worrying or stressing over things he doesnt need to be worried over.

Here's the other thing. I feel... weird. I dont know how to put it into words. I guess i'm feeling a little.. sentimental? I dunno. I know i'm definitely not in love with him anymore. There's not even an ounce of attraction there.. so what's my problem? I DON'T GET IT. argh.. maybe i just miss being close to someone like that. having someone care about me.. having someone know me.. i dont get it though.. we weren't that close for a while anyway.. or were we and i was just ungrateful? ugh. stupid head.

ok no more thoughts like these. grr i'm already dreading work on friday.. but trying REALLY hard not to think about it and just enjoy my time here. That's not a hard thing to do actually.

i better go before my dial-up disconnects me.

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