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Today I got a glimpse of me Feeling: thoughtful I went through my closet today. More specifically, my "old" clothes. Some of the stuff I had (about 5 bins worth of clothes) were from high school. HIGH. SCHOOL. (dear god, when did i suddenly become one of those people who graduated from high school 5+ years ago? i think i'm going to cry..) So I went through these things because the few clothes that I have in my closet at the moment, don't fit so well anymore. In fact, yesterday, i went to try on a pair of jeans i bought about 3 months ago.. and it actually SLID off me. zippered and buttoned. no joke. it's the weirdest thing ever because I STILL HAVE A BIG ARSE! (i don't get it?) So anyway (sorry, back to my point), I found things that brought back a lot of memories. There was this shirt.. just some ratty old t-shirt.. that Y had bought for me. It was the first time he'd been to New York.. the company had sent him there along with a bunch of other guys from work. He'd gone to Chinatown and bought me a t-shirt. heh. He knew how much i loved dragons.. so it had this huge black dragon on the front and said "New York Chinatown." I mean it was so simple and maybe not the best gift in most people's minds.. but i loved it. I was actually still living in Hawaii- my first semester of college and living in the dorms. I remember getting a package from him one day with a bunch of other stuff and the shirt was in there. I think i wore that thing to sleep every night possible. It was amazingly soft, which is what i loved the most about it. Anyway.. I came across it while I was going through the bins of clothes. It's gotten pretty old over the years.. i can't imagine that i'd wear it anymore.. even around the house. The thing is, it has so much emotion attached to it, too. I don't think it would be right to wear it anymore, anyway. I found a lot of other clothes like that.. that he didn't necessarily buy for me, but kind of reminded me of the time we lived together. LOL there were the cheesiest pajama pants ever. They had these cartoonish cows and gallons of milk printed all over them. I remember I used to wear it all the time. I thought about keeping them.. but in the end I threw them out. The Chinatown shirt too. *sigh* I also found some pajamas from my grandpa. I think someone gave him a bunch of boxers/pj bottoms/shirts for Christmas one year.. and they didn't fit him or he simply didn't want them. So he gave them to Ash and I. I used to wear the bottoms ALL THE TIME (i saved the shirts but never wore them). It got me to thinking about him, papa, and how i need to go home to visit soon. (Monkey wants to go for Christmas.. he asked me if i'd take him. I said we'll see if I have the money/time.) I don't know why these things affect me so. Reminiscing. They bring up a myriad of emotions. I'm left feeling 'out of it' for the rest of the day. The thing is, it just got me to thinking about things past as well as present. I started comparing my life then and now. I can't say i'm unhappy now.. because i'm actually quite happy. I know I could be happier though and I DO have this constant feeling of waiting. Like I'm waiting for something to come along, something's going to change soon.. and it will. I mean, I'm moving to Boston next year. I'm going back to school (blahh i hate it that i'm not in school RIGHT NOW, but whatever). I'm rambling. I lost my train of thought. nevermind.
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