The Date Recap (part 1 of 2)
Sat. 05.15.04 - 10:48 a.m.

Feeling: hehehe... no comment.
Listening: tv from M's room
Quote:

the date.

it went.... alright.

I was actually late. I got home from work on time, but my bus (leaving for the wharf) ended up being about 45 minutes late. So i really dont think it matters that I took a while to get ready. heh.

I jumped in the shower as soon as i got home. Then i got dressed- with the assistance of M to tie the back of my shirt in a bow. Fast forward about an hour and a half later when M comes into my room and says "wasn't it two hours ago that you had me tie your shirt for you?"

Me: "yeah, so?"

M: *shaking head* "i just don't understand women."

I'd just like to say it is partially military boy's fault as he KEPT EFFING TEXT-MESSAGING ME as i was trying to get ready.

"what are you doing?"

"i got you something"

"silly girl"

blah blah blah.

oh here's somethin: at one point during the text messaging, he said something like "see you in a bit"

Immediately... i started to think that he wasn't going to show up. that he was would stand me up. that it was all just a joke.

It was then that i realized the kind of wounds Ethe left behind. Which is funny that i should mention him. I got an email from him last night. I haven't replied yet and I really don't know what to say.

can you tell i'm confused? I mean, confused in that.. he's cool, i had fun, we'll probably hang out again... but i don't want anyone getting the wrong idea. i'm not into him the way most people would be.

So yeah we did the whole kissing thing (My face is soo scratched up).. and again, while it was nice.. i wasn't INTO it. I don't get it. Seriously? The guy is hot. and you know what? i felt guilty. So what the hell is wrong with me? Want to know what's wrong with me?

1. i know deep down that we have NOTHING in common and this is only going to go oh so far.

2. I have something to judge men on now and so whenever I meet someone it's usually like.. "eh, not witty enough." "ehh, not smart enough." "ehh, not sincere enough." etc. etc. etc. I don't think my standards are too high. I think they're good.. because only the right person could meet them, you know?

3. my "heart" is really somewhere else. i don't know, but i felt guilty during the whole make-out session.

I think i'm safe. This is good actually. Because i get to have a nice time and i'm not even risking anything. I know that i don't and won't feel for him the way i'd feel for someone i'd WANT something lasting with. This is good. A girl's allowed to have fun.

There are so many times where i'd be thinking something.. and he'd ask "what are you thinking?" I guess my "deep in thought" look is pretty easy to read but other than that, I don't think he GETS me the way i've been shown a person can "get me".. and i'm really ok with this. In fact, i like it that I can respond with "oh nothing" and he'll believe me and let it go. I'm safe. I guess this is what I need right now. We'll see.

So yeah.. short story long, i had a nice time last night and i'm fine.

Side Note 1: Pohae- I haven't gotten any pepper spray but supposedly it wouldn't have done any good. Somehow he and i got on the subject of pepper spray and he said that the trained him to deal with being sprayed. hehe cool, eh?

Side Note 2: I was talking to Buddha and I realized something. i guess my problem is i want company. a friend. not a boyfriend (heh like that Jessica Stein movie) and that's ok.. it's just that it's against my nature. I'm not a person who doesn't feel things for people. and yet, this time, i don't. and i feel guilty for it.

blahh I actually have a LOT more to say but i have to leave now for work. i'll continue this tomorrow.

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