being sick makes me crazy
Fri. 07.16.04 - 10:48 p.m.

Feeling:
Listening:
Quote:

I don't know why i'm such a baby when i'm sick.

I've been crying ALL night. I'm running a slight fever but i don't feel as physically bad as i do emotionally. I don't udnerstand what's up with me. Monkey just left to go out but before he did, he ordered me to drink a bunch of tea and get lots of rest.. made some claim about how i didnt get much sleep last night (two hours) and that's why i feel so horrible.

I feel horrible because Y just left. I feel lik ei wanted someone to keep me company all night.. i get so lonely and weepy when i'm sick, you know? BUt at the same time, i wanted him to leave as soon as he came because he lectured me for an hour on how i was making myself sick by being here and that i should move back to hawaii or san jose.

Picture a person who BARELY has her voice, trying to argue for an hour why San Francisco means something to her and why it's important to her to be here right now, and you have an idea of what it was like the first hour he was here. I ended up being blunt with him and telling him i was trying to heal, that i felt like the last four years i lived in a plastic bubble, sheltering myself from the world. It hurt him and that's not the way i meant it to come across, but for some reason he finally GOT IT.

He said some shit that to be honest, are fucking RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD RIGHT NOW and kinda preventing me from sleeping because my mind is so akwjtykljklj usless and i can't shut it off when i need to. blahhh i think the medicine i took is kicking in.

this sounds really disjointed or weird but i guess like everything else...i'll fix it later.

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