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my brave face Feeling: the worst i've felt in a very long time i just don't know anymore. ..but hey, i have my brave face on. My smile. The one that tells everyone "She's happy, she's ok" when inside.. the last thing i want to be doing is smiling. It's like all my life i've loved people who just couldn't or wouldn't love me back. My parents. Y. Ethan. I heard something once where "we pick people to be in relationships with that allow us to work out the issues we had in our childhood." It sickens me how true that's come to be for me. I'm so tired with screwed up relationships. I'm tired of being jerked around. I'm tired of people not holding up to their end of the bargain. If i'm your friend, you'd better damn well be my friend too. If you want my love, you'd better damn well give me love in return. FUCK. ME. But at least i'm smiling, right? I mean, as long as everyone else thinks you're happy and you're nice and sweet to them they couldnt care less how you're really feeling on the inside. right? Is it me? Or is it me because i THINK it's me even though it really started off with them? I just don't understand what's so hard about loving a person. And if you claim to love them, what's so hard about giving them what they want or need? I guess in other words, why's it so hard to love.. me. Everyone always says that i'm sweet, loving.. i've even gotten a few 'amazing's here and there. At what point do i cross the line from being amazing... to 'nah, not quite good enough.' I think that i'm going to go cry myself to sleep now. Maybe then i'll be all set to put on that brave face again tomorrow.
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