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battered soul Feeling: lonely I don't have much time for an entry- i'm off to work in about 10 minutes. My life has gotten I don't even come home Wednesday and Thursday nights. I'm at PP from Wed. through Sat. While I do get Sun., Mon. and Tues. off, it's spent recouperating. Or at least this weekend went that way. Adam came to visit. He flew up on Saturday night and left Monday night. God where do I even begin? We've always been pretty good friends. I'll admit there was a bit of an attraction there before he even got here and we did end up messing around over the weekend. I did have a nice weekend with him, so i can't say i regret anything. Also, i don't WANT to regret anything. So i won't. but of course, now our friendship is ruined. He'd call me ALL THE TIME before this past weekend. I'd get text-messages saying "i miss you, when can you talk?" and now.. well, he called me the night he left to make sure i got home from the airport ok and then he called me again during his lunch break yesterday as he said he would the night he left. I was chipper as usual, tried to play it cool like nothing ever happened and i thought it went smoothly, but who knows. Later, i sent him a message wishing he had a great day and he did reply two hours later. So it's obvious he's being distant. WHY he's being distant (1. he doesn't want to be friends anymore or 2. he's avoiding the weirdness 3. he's giving ME space so that i don't get attached or the wrong idea) i have no idea. I just want my friend back. Maybe it's too soon, maybe it's too late. I don't know. Before he left he mentioned a couple times that i needed to go down to San Diego and visit him next month.. but i feel like he's changed his mind. I KNOW we're nothing more than friends and that's OK with me. but we're not even really being friends at the moment. This whole thing sucks in that it's made me see that i DO want someone around. And in another way it's made me see that i never want to let another person in ever again. P.S. My body is COVERED in bruises from him wrestling/rough-housing. I can barely sit without hurting. OH and i have USMC written on my arse too. fuq.
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