Think Pink
Wed. 05.05.04 - 2:49 p.m.

Feeling: dreading tomorrow, but trying not to think about it. overall, i'm alright
Listening: neighbors outside
Quote: I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.

I always hate myself after behaving so miserably. I don't like being this huge lump of self-pity. I realize there are people out there that have it worse off.

I'll try not to behave like such a selfish arse. Really, i will. I'm feeling a little better but i know that that's just a temporary fix. The week isn't over yet and there are other things going on in my life that i don't see going away anytime soon. I'm trying to learn to deal with them in a more acceptable way though.

I didn't have to work yesterday, or today.. but for the rest of the week, i'm working 8 hours every day. Tomorrow, i won't get home until after midnight. That's good in a way, because it'll keep me busy and i could use the cash. But really, there's not much brainpower required for retail so my mind tends to wander every so often at work.

eh, i'm not complaining- at least i have a job. Things don't come easy, i know this.. i guess when you feel down, you find a way of seeing everything else in your life in a bad light as well.

So yesterday, I had plans to do something but cancelled them to spend the day with Jim. I figured much of my problem has been that i miss my friends. I had a REALLY nice time with him, even though we spent a lot of the day just driving around the city. Despite all my complaints lately, it doesn�t take much to make me happy. Seriously.

We finally went to the Asian Art Museum (a trip we had been planning for about a month). I had a nice time there and found a few pieces of art that blew me away. I wrote them down so i could see if there was at least a picture of them online, but i haven't had any luck. oh well. Just know that they were amazing. hehe Jim joked about how it was cool that I came with him because the girls he usually hangs out with aren't "museum quality." haha His words, not mine.

We did a weird tour. We started on the second floor, went down to the gift shop on the first floor, then finished with the third floor. Something interesting DID happen while we were on the third floor though. I was in one of the rooms, walking around while looking at the pieces when Jim came over to me and whispered, "you're being checked out." I didn't think I heard him correctly so I asked, "what?"

"You're being checked out by that guy over there."

I turn around, i look. I can�t tell- there are lots of guys. I ask, "Which..?"

"The guy with the girl."

"Oh crap."

hehe yeah, just my luck right? That's ok I had my eyes on someone else anyhow. He got me with his shirt. It was pink (i SWEAR it looked good on him) with Buddha on it and it said 'rub my tummy for good luck.' How can you NOT want to talk to a person that wears a shirt like that to the Asian Art Museum?? hehehe

I told Jim that 'guy with girlfriend' wasn't my type anyway but that i had spotted 'pink shirt guy' when we first came in the museum.

Jim: oh yeah? Where?

Me: um�. Well I saw him when we were on the second floor and then again in the gift shop.

Jim: ohhhhhhhh so THAT�S why you disappeared in the gift shop! I turned around and you were gone. I was like �where the hell�d she go?� hehe

Me: (shyly) hey, I was looking at other stuff too..

Yes, fine, ok so I�m a stalker. He was cute, ok? Annnnnd can I just say, he has good taste. I ran into him in the book section. They had the books sorted by region (China, Thailand, Japan.. etc.) and which area was he browsing? Give yourself a cookie if you guessed Japan.

Good boy.

Ehh, but I didn�t talk to him. Hehe Jim asked me why not and I said that I�m too shy. What if he said �eww get away from me, you freak!� Jim assured me he wouldn�t have said that. �Guys respect girls with guts.�

He DID say that I did more than he would have though. The stalker thing and all.

Hey, I just wanted another look at the shirt, ok?

So yeah, by the time we left the museum I was feeling a lot more like myself. I guess when I feel this way I need to force myself to get out and be around people. Even if it�s not what I want.. because I�m feeling alone. Just being a part of a crowd helps I guess.. cuz then you don�t feel so alone maybe?

I�m rambling.

By then we were starving so Jim drove us to near the Marina where he knew there was a Pasta P0m0d0r0. What a nice friend that he remembered I liked it, huh! We walked around for a bit after, and he didn�t complain when I dragged him into a stationery store OR a b@th & b0dy w0rks type place (even when he got a headache after). We also checked out a comic book store. We drove past Ocean Beach, the SF Zoo and got some ice cream. He showed me a lot of neighborhoods and even his old high school. I think I�m starting to kinda place where everything is. SORT OF. Oh, we also drove through Golden Gate Park. It's so pretty there! Afterwards, we hung out at my place for a little. Gosh i was SO sleepy by then.

Now we�re talking about maybe taking a trip down the coast one day.. possibly to Santa Barbara. Hehe I�m supposed to make a �proposal� and present it to him for approval. Whatever. But I so want to go! How exciting! I�m happy just thinking about it.. *sigh*

See, I just need Air. Friends. Company. And I�m happy.

I think i've decided how i'm going to spend my 24th birthday (June 3).

I want to get my belly button pierced.

ehhh i said i wouldn't do it, but it's something that i've thought about for a few years now and i think San Francisco is growing on me. scary thought.

hamak0san: hey, would you ever pierce anything?
jim: i wouldnt mind a bar thru the tongue
hamak0san: really?
jim: yup
hamak0san: hmm would you do it
jim: mayb
hamak0san: let's go do it!
jim: ahah wtf u gonna pierce
hamak0san: my belly button
hamak0san: hehe i would never show it to anyone
hamak0san: but i always wanted to
jim: thats weak sauce
hamak0san: awww come on!!! that takes guts for me to do that
hamak0san: i'm kinda freaked out about needles lately
jim: from what. sewing machine gone berserk?
hamak0san: haha no
hamak0san: cuz all the blood tests i've had to take for my thyroid
hamak0san: how about.. june! we go get it done. i'm thinking that's what i wanna do for my birthday
hamak0san: annnnd i dont wanna go alone
jim: self mutilation as a bday gift
jim: im glad ure not santa

 

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