Roots
Tues. 10.16.07 - 2:33 p.m.

Feeling: relieved
Listening: something by linkin park
Quote:

Everytime I feel a little lost, I try to go back to my roots. It's usually from there I can find my center again. I've been in search of that lately, my center. Somewhere along the way I happened to lose it again. Damn, and right after i'd finally found it, too. ;)

In order to gain something worthwhile in life, you often have to go through a little pain. The harder you work, the better the payoff. Usually. Sometimes though, as i'm learning now, if you try to take on too much too fast, you burn out. I'm finding things that I used to love just don't bring out that spark in me anymore. I know it's just temporary, but it feels awkward, nonetheless. My whole identity is wrapped up in my work. My work IS my life. It's my passion and the thing that makes me feel alive, as corny as that sounds. And now I can't even bring myself to pick up my camera or a brush or look at a pattern. So I picked up knitting. I thought it would help me work out some extra energy and give me something to do on the rare occasion I allow myself a break to watch TV. I did that for a week and then that, too, no longer held my interest.

It's like something died. I don't really know what caused this sudden lack of interest in the world around me. I haven't honestly felt this way in at least a year. The last time was for a good reason- J was in Iraq. Once he got home and I knew he was safe, things were fine. Exceptional, in fact. I've been so happy with my life and where things have been headed. I went back to school, worked my butt off to beat out a few hundred applicants to earn the job that I wanted. I felt good. So what happened? I don't know, but I do know that I don't like it and I intend to get it back.

So I MAY be going to Hawaii in a couple of weeks. Just to stay with my sister.. hang out at home.. spend time with the nephews. SF is my backup plan. It will forever be the city that healed me.

I also MAY be moving to either SF, Boston or East PA. Well, actually, I KNOW i'm moving, but I just don't know where yet. And it won't be until May 08, because that's when my lease runs out. Ugh, I can't wait. I'm surprised at how quickly I got over SD. :)

I've also gotten back in touch with a few of my dearest friends.. Ian, Buddha, Pam and a few others. I've also made a few new friends since my last real post ages and ages ago. So yes, I think i'm slowly dragging myself out of this two-week-long funk. Thank GOD for that.

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