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you got served Feeling: heartbroken I just got home not too long ago from teaching. The class went well even though some wtupid girl kinda broke my sewing machine. I THINK i might be able to fix it.. i don't know yet. I spent about 30 minutes tinkering with it and still couldn't get it fixed. I'll deal with it tomorrow. I had the biggest headache in the car on the way up.. and it seems to have just gotten worse. Someone tell me WHY I try to be nice to people. Why do i care? Why do i forgive? Why do i try? Why do i let them I'm the most pathetic idiot ever. I keep saying i'm tired. I keep saying i'm tired of being tired. I don't know how to FIX everything. But I suppose I can be good at shutting people out. So there we have it.. a plan. Just have everyone stay the HELL away from me. I was supposed to visit Ethan in Boston at the end of the month. That's... not going to happen. ever. But you know what? It doesn't matter. I was going to Boston anyway before he even suggested hanging out together and i'm STILL going to go. This is my life and i'm not going to let anyone ruin it. It's his loss. I'm going to Boston. I'm going to MOVE to Boston next year. I'm going to finish up my essays and get all of that taken care of by the end of this month. I also might have found another job. Well, a full-time job. I have a semi-interview on Tuesday. I say semi-interview because basically, they just want to talk with me about pay and when i'm available.. i've already been offered the job. You know what? I can't do this right now. I can't type. I can't talk. I can't THINK. I know i shouldn't let anyone get to me.. but there's really just a shadow looming over everything tonight. I really wanted to spend the time with him in Boston. I thought he'd changed and I feel like such an idiot for trusting. hah! and after everything with Y last night.. how i went on and on about how i can't trust myself to trust people and being told that i COULD trust. I can't think about this right now. My head hurts. I need sleep or a cry. Or both.
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