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the inevitable price of love Feeling: tired I woke up from a nightmare around 3 this morning.. been up pretty much ever since. In short, i dreamt that i met this really great guy who i fell in love with. Interestingly enough, that part was played by my ex in the dream. But then something weird happened. Halfway through the dream he turned into someone else. It wasn't my ex anymore, it was some other random guy. But apparently I was unaware that my fiance' had just been switched right under my nose, as i was still in love with him. Here's where the nightmare part came in. he died. simple as that. Obviously, i was really upset and heartbroken. I felt like i had met "the one" simple to have it all taken away from me within minutes. Needless to say, i woke up a little shaken. Of course i'm totally fine, it was just a dream, but i can't help but notice how it reflects my feelings towards love at the moment as well as my experiences. Another thing, girl-roomie and i had a talk yesterday that lead me to some thinking. It's really nothing new, but the thought was how i just don't want to date. I simply just don't feel like it anymore. I KNOW that i'm going to end up getting hurt and i don't want to go through that. I realize it's inevitable.. but for now, i don't have the energy for it. Maybe i'll feel differently in 3 or 6 months.. and maybe it'll take a year for that to go away. Or does it ever? That's also part of another discussion i had with boy-roomie. He said he took a whole year after a long-term relationship ended. What if I needed time like that? But i wouldn't want to just shut EVERYONE out, you know? Girl-roomie said during our conversation yesterday that she was burned so many times.. it got to a point where she gave up. She decided it just wasn't worth the trouble. She said "most people didn't even get past hello" with me for 6 years. I don't want to end up like that. But i also don't want to end up settling because i don't "want to be alone". I can't imagine i ever would.. but still. Maybe my problem is simply, i think too much. stupid dream.
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