love notes
Thurs. 04.15.04 - 9:00 p.m.

Feeling: reminiscent
Listening: silence
Quote: "First love is dangerous only when it is also the last." - Branislav Nusic

I got an instant message from my ex earlier tonight letting me know that he found a notebook of mine. Apparently it had a note scrawled on the inside cover. It was from when we had first started dating.

I actually remember that book. I was living in Hawaii and in my sophomore year in college when he came to visit. I had left the notebook out on my desk and didn't notice he wrote in it until after he had flown back to Cali. I remember holding onto that thing years later, even though I didn't need it anymore, simply because he had written in it.

And now.. I don't even want it. It represents a time in my life that is long gone.

About an hour after I got his first message, he followed up with this one:

Y: i also found another notebook of mine where you wrote on it
hamak0san: oh yeah?
Y: it was the one where i was listing ideas for my website
Y: and then you went ahead and added some items to my list when i wasn't looking
Y: made me smile
hamak0san: what did i add
Y: naughty stuffs
hamak0san: lol seriously
Y: anal stuffs
hamak0san: lol be serious
Y: remember to kiss casey everyday
Y: buy flowers once a month
Y: tell her how much you love her everyday and always remember to tell her why you love her
Y: take her out to lunch once in a while
Y: remember to surprise her with dates
Y: drop by her work unannounced or call just to say hi
Y: write her letters and emails at least once a week even if it's just to say i love you
Y: remember that she loves you too - very much!
Y: don't forget the anal
hamak0san: heh


I actually teared up as he was typing. Though I don't really know why.

Maybe i was crying for that naive little girl who was just so in love and all she wanted was for someone to love her back.

But it makes me wonder. How much different am I from her now?

Maybe a little older. Maybe a little more experienced. Hopefully a little wiser. Definitely a little more guarded.

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