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misery doesn't want your company Feeling: tired and a little miserable I haven't really been able to function today.. or at least that's what I feel like. I was able to put on a brave face, smile, crack a few jokes for friends.. but i swear i keep having to stop myself from just bursting into tears at any second. I hate this. I was SO happy yesterday. I was at peace with everything.. and now, it just feels like everything's been turned upside down. I don't know what to trust anymore. I certainly can't trust my feelings, thoughts, beliefs. I want this gone. This miserable feeling.. the betrayal. The memory. I just want it all gone. I'm trying REALLY hard not to let my emotions get the best of me but come on- i tend to be quite emotional. This is so hard for me.. i can't even really write about what i'm thinking.. about WHY this hurts. I wish I had someone, ANYONE.. any FRIEND here.. just to hold me, let me cry on them. Even just a quick hug would help. All day, all i kept thinking about was how angry i am. how HURT i feel. How i just want to not care about any one or any thing and maybe just i dunno.. hook up with some random person. it's the stupidest thing ever and not something i'd seriously do.. but just.. the fact that i had the thought.. made me realize how destructive i am right now. how i really do tend to do irrational things when i'm upset. i make things worse. i don't know why i do that though. What i need, is to take a step back and just BREATHE. and move on.
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