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A-OK Feeling: hopeful I tried to log on to D-land this morning but for whatever reason (i claim prejudice!) it wouldn't let me. i suppose a server could have been down, too. stupid computers. Anyway, i had something uber important to write about. For reals. SO it's no secret i've been feeling a little upset lately. But sometime between last night and this morning, I decided that i simply do not wish to be a miserable shell of a person and my life is worth a hell of a lot more than crying over some lost friendship, no matter how much it meant to me. and so i'd like to take this time out to say... i'm over it. ok, so not completely. i still have a LONG way to go before i'll be able to think back on all this and not have my heart hurt so much.. but this is a hell of a lot farther than i've ever been. I'm finally ready to move on. I think every time before this, i'd say that.. but i always hoped it wasn't the last time. i hoped that somehow something could be fixed or changed. This time, i know this is it. I won't lie though, deep in my heart there's still a drop of hope that maybe a year or two from now i'll hear from my old friend again. Chances are, probably not. But if hoping that for now gets me through this.. then i'm all cool with being delusional. =P As it stands right now, we have an unspoken agreement to leave each other alone. It's probably for the best. It helps the moving on process. Out of sight, out of mind, that whole deal. I miss my friend terribly, even though i didn't have much of a best friend for a while now. But i mean this with all sincerity- i NEVER ever ever, would have gotten through the breakup with Y as well as i did, if it had not been for Ethan. That's how I can be ok with this. That's how i can smile and move on. Because I needed someone and i sure as hell got someone. As much drama, unhappiness and tears that have come my way over the last 10 months, i still wouldn't give it back. I don't regret a thing (well, aside from not going to Boston =P - but that's another entry for another day). Right now, I know that i'll be okay. And okay is good.
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