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Miss Independent Feeling: happy... Expectant too, in a way. though i don't know what i'm expecting... Hope everyone had a fun, safe Independence Day! I worked in the morning - I started training for the receptionist position at work! It went well but i'm still worried. I mean, i'm not expected to know everything on my first day so OF COURSE it would go well, ya know? Anyway, i should just cross that bridge when i come to it. It's just that i want to be really great at this, you know? I don't know why i care.. i mean i want to move eventually and i'm going back to school in the fall but yeah.. So after work i came home and waited around for my landlord to finish fixing the shower (NO it wasn't fixed the night before). He finally got it done and i have never been more grateful for running water than i was yesterday afternoon. The new roommate, Camille, decided to throw a BBQ at her bf's house and the two of them invited me over when i ran into them one day last week. I wasn't planning on going.. i didnt feel comfortable with Camille and i've been trying to avoid Ronny (he and Camille are really good friends). He pulled a really weird stunt the other day when we went to eat Hawaiian food. He kept trying to make me feel guilty for him taking the day off on Tuesday and me not spending it with him. hello jerk, you're the one that decided to do it without even ASKING me if i wanted to spend the day with you! Normally i'd have felt bad but the way he was trying to make me feel guilty just served to piss me off. He was a little weird throughout lunch so i made up some excuse to leave early. He tried to pay for me but i wouldn't let him.. actually, he did pay but i made him take my money after we walked out. He walked me to my bus stop and in an effort to make chitchat i asked him "when are you planning to meet up with your friend today?" He had told me earlier he and his friend were going to hang out. He had even added in "Yeah too bad you have to work or else you could hang with us.." He said it several times so i think he was hinting at me to call in sick. right. So when i asked what time he was going to meet with his friend he said "oh.. whenever" I don't know what possessed me to push further; it didn't sound right to me. So i asked "you guys didn't set up a time?" R: "uhh... actually he's at my house now." Me: "um, but you're here having lunch with me." R: (sheepishly) "yeah." Me: "oh my god! you left him at YOUR HOUSE. ALONE. AND JUST WENT TO LUNCH WITH ME?!" R: "yeah." holy crap. i didn't even know what to say to that. i don't remember if i even said anything, actually. my bus came at some point and he asked me for a hug before i got on. I gave him one and said goodbye. I hadn't talked to him since then. He left me a message yesterday to ask if i was going to Camille's party. I eventually called him back to let him know that i was but not until Emily called me and convinced me to go to the party. I showed up around 9pm. It seemed like people were just getting there so i snuck outside for about 30 minutes.. ran a block uphill to watch the fireworks over the city. *sigh* It was so.... pretty. peaceful. perfect. My friend Adam text-messaged me while I was there. It was such a nice moment... i'm smiling now just thinking about it. Anyway, while Adam and I messaged back and forth guess who came walking up the hill looking for me? yep, Ronny. He had seen me leave the house earlier. He was rambling and mumbling and I was trying to answer Adam back as well as avoid what i was assuming Ronny was trying to say. At one point he said "i feel like you're avoiding me.." and i just.. god i admit, i'm a chicken and i didn't know what to say.. so i let him mumble some more and he just walked away looking defeated as he said "well i'll leave you alone, you seem busy". I told him i'd see him back at the house in a few. I had a LOT of fun at the party. SO MUCH FUN. There were a lot of people from work there, which was weird and i guess alright in a way. I dunno, i dont want to get too close to the people there. If i make a few friends, great but the whole place feel like high school and i just don't want to get sucked into that. The food was good, too. I didn't drink much.. just took a few sips from some friends. I left around 11:45. The whole day i kept thinking about the last 4th i could remember.. me laying out on the couch watching "The Wedding Planner" and Y at his desk messing with his computer. I remember hearing fireworks in the distance and after pulling Y out onto the balcony to look for them... i dragged him to the car and we drove around looking for them. We eventually found the source - a park a few blocks away. This is my first July 4th alone. Independence Day. It has a whole new meaning for me, these days.
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