Easter 2004
Sun. 04.11.04 - 12:50 p.m.

Feeling: not one way or the other
Listening: tv from M's room
Quote:

Happy Easter!

I just got done calling everyone back home to wish them a happy easter.

The first person i tried calling was mom.. but no one answered. I figured they probably decided to go camping or something so i called my dad next figuring he would know where they were plus i needed to wish him a happy Easter (two birds with one stone- yay).

He didnt know where they were but said that my brother was with him. Apparently they just got a new horse so my kid brother's been riding non-stop for the past two days. heh poor horse. I got to talk to him (brother) for a little though, which was nice. He seemed like he was interested in talking to me more than usual so that felt good. After i hung up with dad i realized that i never said i love you. and if i had to be honest i think i did it on purpose. in fact, i dont say i love you often with him even though i can always count on him to say it every time we talk. i'm an ungrateful child, huh. i dont know why i do it though. well, ok, i do. it's because it feels weird. strange, huh. i don't do it with mom either. maybe it's because my mom never really said it growing up and dad, although he'd say it every time, wasn't around enough for it to have become natural between us. It sounds weird, and i can't explain it. I mean, i love my parents. It would kill me if anything ever happened to them. but i feel uncomfortable coming right out and telling them I LOVE YOU. but i think that's ok. i mean, i say it in other ways, right. i send cards for no reason. i call. maybe not nearly as often as i used to (which used to be every day at one point) but i still call just to say hello. yeah, they know.

but i digress.

i called my grandma (dad's mom) and had a very interesting conversation with her. It seems my mother called her last week and told her that she hasn't been feeling well lately. That she had plans to go see a doctor soon. My grandmother thought i knew this, but when i started probing more she realized she had slipped something and immediately tried to brush it off and change the subject. So mom's not feeling well (which i already had a feeling about) and she's not telling anyone. This freaks me out. I KNOW that she's under an INCREDIBLE amount of stress and she simply doesn't take care of herself. She doesn't eat right nor does she exercise. yeah.. i'm freaked out. and you know what? in the back of my head i think i'm just waiting for a phone call one day soon.

ok i can't think about this right now.

I called my sister Ash as well. It was then that i found out my mom and step-dad decided to get away and spend the holiday weekend at a hotel in K0na. I also learned that my cute little nephew stood up on his own for the first time last night. ugh. he's so adorable.

So i was thinking about something. When i called everyone they all said "oh i was wondering how you were", "i was hoping to hear from you." um well it's nice to know i'm thought of, but if i hadn't called.......... ??

le sigh.

M and I went to Target this morning. BUT IT WAS CLOSED! how dare everyone be allowed to go home and celebrate Easter when there are things that need to be bought! blah. hehe i tried to get him to color eggs with me but i could only get him to agree to watch. So there was no coloring. I think this is the first year i've never colored eggs. hmm. i know that doesnt seem like anything.. but i love holidays. As i was trying to explain to M when he made fun of me, was that it's not even about the religious aspect. It's simply about family and fun and all of that other mushy stuff. It feels kind of sad to me, the thought of being alone on a holiday. So at least if i'm coloring eggs it feels like i'm a part of SOMETHING. Even if that something is alone.

but again i digress.

I'm off to make an egg sandwich. Maybe then I will feel more Eastery.

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