the bad place
09.29.05 - 12:09 a.m.

Feeling:
Listening:
Quote:

it's funny how things work out.

a week ago, i was planning on moving to san diego.

now, i'm .. i can't even say it it hurt sso much.

i think it really might be the end of things with j and i. he keeps letting me down. we've had the same argument every day for the last week now. yesterday, i told him i couldn't deal with the stress anymore. he seemed like it was a wake up call for him.. he said he realized how much it affected me and he'd try harder.

today, the same thing.

you know, when i was single i used to PRAY that i'd meet some guy that didn't live near me. that way i didn't have to deal with his BS all the time, i told myself. how ironic is it that the thing i wished for the most.. is the thing that will have caused our breakup.

tonight, i had a panic attack. a scary one. one i haven't had in a very long time. so bad that it's just made me feel so helpless, lost, numb, and indifferent.

that's the thing that scares me the most.. the indifference. when a person feels this way, they tend to care about nothing. not family, not friends. they tend to not care about their job, their happiness.. their life.

previous   next