What happens to bad little girls when they don't go to bed like they're supposed to
Sat. 08.14.04 - 12:46 p.m.

Feeling: exhausted
Listening: nothin'
Quote:

I've been noticing that lately. It's like I freak out on myself. I try to make a point, that I am capable of doing something or I don't need anyone, yet end up screwing things up even more in the process. Maybe I really am boring - and me trying to have fun or do anything non-boring causes the universe to go haywire and scream, "WTF to you think you're doing, you silly girl?!"

Either way, you wouldn't BELIEVE what happened to me Friday night.

I've been a little stressed about Boston in two weeks so when my friend Tom, who's from there, asked me to hang out Friday night so we could chat about my trip, watch F@mi|y Guy and chill.. I figured I could use the escape. He lives a few cities over so we agreed that I'd take the subway up and meet him at the station there at 8:30.

It's an hour away. I got there about 10 minutes late. I waited another 10 minutes and decided he wasn't going to show. I was flaked on. I didn't have my cell on me. I didn't know his number to call him. Needless to say I was irritated.

I got home around 10pm. I got something to drink and just hung out in my room trying to find something to take my mind off everything that had been swimming around in my head for the past few days. By the time my friend James from NY called me at 11, I was a little tipsy. We talked until a little after midnight. I told him i had to go because I was so sleepy from the alcohol and lack of sleep i thought i was going to pass out.

Interestingly enough, I woke up around 2:30am. Wide awake. I decided to kill time online and wait for sleep to kick in again. Guess who messaged me? Tom.

"Thanks a lot Casey. It was a blast waiting at the B@RT station for you. I felt like an ass."

I told him that i was there and he wasn't. That he was probably lying about being there and now that it was 2am he was bored and that's why he was messaging me.

"No. I really did feel like shit. I wanted to hang out. Ask my roommate- i ended up going out with him and having a few beers because I was so bummed. I really did want you to come. I'll prove it- lemme pick you up right now."

"you're nuts."

Apparently so am I. After chatting a bit more and then a discussion over the phone, I said "sure, but i'm going in my pajamas. I'm not changing again." heh. i'm such a bum sometimes. Anyways, I figured I couldn't sleep anyway- why the hell not? I wasn't afraid of him getting the wrong idea because i'd made it clear that I wasn't available to anyone. I wasn't interested.. we were just hanging out and he agreed that that's all it was. Plus I just really needed a break.

By the time he picked me up it was around 3:30am. On the drive down, he called me from his cell and I kept him company and gave him directions (he'd never been to my place before). He again mentioned that he'd been out with his roommate earlier. I realized that meant he'd been drinking so i said "don't come down here if you were drinking. you shouldnt be driving." He insisted that he was fine, he'd only had a few beers a couple hours ago. He seemed totally fine to me too.

But... as we were on the freeway, we got pulled over. The cop said he was speeding and he wasn't really staying in his lane. I hadn't even noticed. He really did seem fine. They (there were two policemen) made him get out of the car (he handed me his keys) and they tested him. I sat in the car for what seemed like forever (probably about 30 minutes). At one point, i leaned forward in my seat and looked in the rearview mirror...

to see them handcuffing him.

holy. crap.

I was in complete shock. He seemed COMPLETELY fine. He's not even the type of guy you'd ever think would get arrested, or in trouble for that matter. I mean, he's older than me, college graduate, has a good job.. reliable, responsible is what i'm getting at here.

Soon after one of the officers came over to me and asked me to write down my info (name, address, DOB). It was so cold and he had the door open to talk to me. I remember my teeth chattering when I replied to him. Maybe it was nerves too, i dunno. Then he asked me if I'D been drinking. Yes. Cue the breathalizer test. I passed and he told me to go ahead and take Tom's car.

Umm...

I told him it was a stick and i couldn't drive it (i wouldn't have wanted to take it anyway- it was a brand new car and i don't know him THAT well). They ended up having to impound his car. I felt like the biggest loser in the world. Things just kept getting worse for him and when i might have been able to at least help a little.. i couldn't.

Anyway, long story short.. Did you know that the cops won't take you home?

No.. they offered to call me a cab (um, and WHO would be paying for said cab?). Monkey was at home passed out drunk so i couldn't call HIM to come pick me up. To make matters worse, i didnt have my cell on me so i didn't know anyone else's phone number nor did i even really know what time it was.. most of it was just guesswork. He had me get out of the car and stand outside for about 15 minutes (did i mention it was FREEZING cold?). Then i was ushered into the backseat of the police car so they could drop me off in front of an all-night coffee shop in the middle of this ghetto-arse neighborhood at 4am.

I. kid. you. not.

"Stay here until it gets daylight.. then walk a few blocks to catch the bus or a couple more blocks for the subway."

As I stepped out of the car tom turned to look at me and somberly uttered, "bye."

Heh.. we all know what that translates to: "you're HELLA bad luck and i'm staying as far away from you as i can. so you understand we're never speaking again, right?"

I said 'bye' back. Translation: "cool deal."

After they drove off i stood outside the coffee place. In my semi-PJs. heh. It was SO cold. Not even 5 minutes after the police car drove off, this guy came over to me and started trying to talk to me. I said something back and walked away. The way I saw it.. what would be the difference of standing in the middle of a scary neighborhood vs walking through it? Either way you're still in the bad neighborhood. At least with the latter choice, at some point you'd have to find yourself out of it.

So I walked. I think it was about 10+ blocks. I actually figured out where I was after a while.. and found my way in front of work. It was a little after 4 I think and the trains didn't start up until 5:30. A guy had walked across the street towards my direction and said something so i decided not to stay there.. and walked about 2-3 more blocks around the corner to catch the bus home. I waited about 45 minutes (with a group of really obnoxious guys). The bus ride home took another 30+ minutes. Oh that was fun too- this dude decided to sit across from me and STARE AT ME THE WHOLE WAY. I was so pissed at that point. I can't stand to be watched. I was tired, stressed, worried, still in shock, and now I was just plain irritated. I thought about telling him to fucking quit it.. but i was just too damn tired to find the words.

The bus dropped me off about 7-8 blocks from my house around 5:30am. I was so exhausted and weepy when I walked into the door at 6am. I was too tired to cry though. I sat at my desk and found that John had messaged me about 5 minutes earlier. When I replied, he said "do you realize what time it is?" We talked on the phone and I told him what happened. I did end up crying a little.. heh and he just made jokes until I started to laugh. He was really cool about the whole thing. That's how he's always been though. I mean, he won't pacify me but for the most part.. the stupid things I do? I don't get lectures. I get, "well you learned from it, right? that was an experience, right?" For this I got.. "That's one heck of a story for the grandkids!" heh. I mean it's true.. and I was already in a place where I wasn't stressing about it. I was just in shock and tired. We hung up about an hour later.

I finally talked to Ethe later after having taken some time for myself the last two days. He had been really worried (i felt bad- i didn't expect anyone to worry). He lectured me about getting into a car with someone who i knew had been drinking. I'd actually told john i was probably irresponsible for doing that but he said "well, you said you couldn't tell, right? that he seemed fine. I mean, that's all you can do- make decisions based on what you know. You can't be so hard on yourself."

In one way i think he's right.. yet I also think ethe was right too.

One thing's for sure.. the grandkids are never gonna believe this one.

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