Everything's Under Control
Thurs. 03.18.04 - 11:00 a.m.

Feeling:
Listening:
Quote:

I was thinking about how i complain a lot in here. But then i realized.. IT'S MY DIARY. Sure i try to record EVERYTHING i'm feeling and thinking because it's fun to look back on the entries a year from now and see exactly where i was.. but most of the time, this DOES turn into a venting post. AND THAT'S FINE. It's what allows me to be the cheery (at least i think so) person that i am "in real life". hehe.

Nonetheless i still feel bad for being a grouch to everyone and having nothing but complaints yesterday. In my defense, the whole job thing is making me crazy. Add to that the fact that..

1. i have a sinus infection i'm PRETTY SURE.
2. my right ear is KILLING me
3. one of my wisdom teeth is growing in (on the right side) which my be the cause of the earache?

All of that's actually been buggin me for a while ('cept the ear) though the sinus thing didn't get worse till Tuesday. Plus i think it's around that time of the month so everything just gets magnified horribly in your mind, ya know? eh, whatever. not going to be a baby about it. Just know that i'm fine, just a little run down but not moping over everything anymore.


hamak0san: hey remember the copy of that horoscope you gave me? Hehe I still have it
Rho: you must be doing some cleaning?
hamak0san: lol yeah i am
hamak0san: was supposed to do it yesterday but did john's site instead.. SO glad i got it done
Rho: so he liked the new site layout
hamak0san: yeah he loved it
hamak0san: but i was in a crappy mood yesterday.. and i dunno, he decided to stay away from me after that i think. hehe
Rho: awh
Rho: anything da matter?
Rho: yesterday i mean
Rho: what got u down?
hamak0san: felt like a dumbass but i was in a grouchy mood all day yesterday, started feeling a little better when i got his thing halfway done.. but then i found out that i didn't get the job
Rho: ah
Rho: that sucks
hamak0san: yeah
hamak0san: really disappointed in myself
Rho: you have every right to be in a bad mood...not a dumbass at all
hamak0san: yeah but i just feel bad that i pushed everyone away because of it
Rho: nah... we see the big picture..that its not us but the situation and that u r entitled to have a bad day...
hamak0san: yeah but i also worry everyone sees its not a big deal and that i complain about everything
hamak0san: which.. i dont think i do.. but who knows
Rho: i'm sorry that u didnt get the job btw
hamak0san: nah its ok
hamak0san: i wasnt as qualified im sure
hamak0san: just.. wish i could find SOMETHING ya know
Rho: i thought having taken you through 3 interviews....and yeah
hamak0san: well i think (for this place) the 3rd interview was like a 1st interview
Rho: there's something else out there for ya
hamak0san: yeah hopefully
Rho: o so 3rd is like the official 1st
Rho: and the others are preliminary
hamak0san: yeah
Rho: got it
Rho: did u try that other place you wanted to try, yet?
hamak0san: no actually was gonna go there tomorrow
Rho: good plan
Rho: going back to the bad mood...
Rho: (i've birdwalked majorly havent i)
Rho: hhahaha
Rho: anyway...going back
Rho: the you not getting a job means more than just not getting the job
Rho: there are other worries attached to it....survival basically
hamak0san: yep
hamak0san: exactly
Rho: so all you want to do is find one so that you can survive
Rho: so i totally understand that it can take a toll
hamak0san: it's just scary
Rho: exactly
hamak0san: plus you start to feel useless when you don't have anything to really DO
Rho: i know the feeling
Rho: so really...you had your moment yesterday
hamak0san: yep
Rho: and of course after that, you pick yourself up and go to plan b
hamak0san: that's true rho
Rho: which as you said...go to that place tomorrow
Rho: etc
Rho: u have it handled
hamak0san: thanks. =) you actually cheered me up
Rho: for real
Rho: =)

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