On the subject of Chivalry
Wed. 03.10.04 - 3:22 p.m.

Feeling:
Listening:
Quote:

I was having a chat with Will earlier and it reminded me of something Jim did yesterday that sparked some thoughts.. which I wanted to get down here.

It�s about Chivalry.

For as long as i've known Jim, i've loved this quality about him. He's well-mannered. i mean, he's down to earth, he'll laugh, joke around, swear.. whatever. but he also knows how to treat a lady. He�s respectful and chivalrous.

I have to admit that�s something that gets to me.. is when men are like that. It's just.. rare. and with jim, he won't just be nice to you only if he likes you.. he'll do it for anyone. I mean, we're JUST friends but that doesn't stop him from making sure he opens all doors for me or letting me go first, or paying (something that's the exception because i actually hate people paying things for me).

All day yesterday, while we were out, anytime we got back to the car.. he'd make sure he walked with me to my side of the car, unlocked my door, opened it, let me get in, and closed my door for me.

That's just RESPECT plain and simple. It's unbelievably sweet and not expected, but definitely a trait I look for in a man.

So yeah, I was thinking yesterday.. that all women should have at least one man in their life (preferably at an early point), be it a father or even just a friend like Jim, who serves to remind you that you deserve to be treated with respect, kindness and care. To put it simply, like a lady.

That�s what little gestures like that do for me.. they serve to remind me what I�ve come to hope for in a partner.. and in my own sons one day, too.

The benefit of having even just a FRIEND like that, is that you realize you�re WORTH THAT. Because the person isn�t doing it because they feel they HAVE to. They do it simply because they are like that. They ARE kind and respectful. They WANT to treat a woman that way. They want to treat YOU that way. Because they know you deserve it. The problem I�ve always come across though, is.. you date a guy, and sure he�ll open doors for you, but give it a few months.. and all that will change. He�ll feel like he doesn�t HAVE to �impress� you anymore. He already �has you.�

Will: Hmm...
Will: Do you believe every guy you've been with did those things for you because they felt they HAD to do it?
hamak0san: yep
hamak0san: and i have proof
hamak0san: they stopped doing it after some time.
Will: That is... not right.
hamak0san: in the case of my ex.. after a while, hehe there were times *i* opened doors for him or carried things while his hands were empty
Will: Now I know why you find Jim's manners so attractive.
hamak0san: well it's something that i've ALWAYS found attractive in men.
hamak0san: but yeah.. sadly, because it's something that i've never found in anyone
hamak0san: i've always wanted it.. and knew that i deserved it.. but never really found someone like that
Will: Well it's something that makes men attractive...
Will: But then again...
Will: A man shouldn't do these things only to attract a lady.
Will: I see.
hamak0san: well yeah, i don't mean ATTRACTIVE. just, it's a character trait
Will: I know what you meant.
hamak0san: you have to admit though, not all men are like that
hamak0san: most aren't
Will: Don't know... never been with a man before (not planning either)
hamak0san: lol

You know, i had these same thoughts a while ago.. i just forgot to record them down here. But it happened when i went to my friends' wedding in January. I didn't have a date, but i ended up befriending one of the other guys who was there at the wedding alone and luckily enough, had a seat next to me. Throughout the reception if there was something that i wanted (i didn't want anything, but he kept asking) he'd offer to get it for me. Did i need a drink? Did i want something to eat? He pulled out and pushed in my chair for me. Things like that.

Yeah, things like that.

They make you think.

What the hell kind of treatment was i getting before?

The funny thing is.. it's not like i never knew there were guys out there like that. I knew it existed. I knew i deserved to be treated that way. I just.. came to accept less over time, i guess. The funny thing is, i've known Jim for several years now. There were a few times we went to lunch together and of course he did the whole open door, carry objects thing.. and i used to always point out to Y how he was so sweet and well-mannered. Y joked about it.. but i don't think he ever got the hint. Or cared to.

But i digress.

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