Scrapbook Magazines are the Devil!
Sat. 02.07.04 - 1:37 p.m.

Feeling:
Listening:
Quote:

I had a scary thought this morning.

I know, i'm sure that comes as a surprise.

But seriously.

So i checked my mail this morning.. and in it was my latest issue of a scrapbook magazine (which actually requires a whole 'nother entry). But as i was flipping through it, i suddenly felt my uterus doin' flips of its own.

ugh.

How weird is it if you're 23 but look forward to being a mom, already?

I don't get it.. i was never that little girl that fantasized about having a wedding or being married some day. But i always knew i'd have children- even though i didn't really think about it. I have a memory as a child of my grandmother telling me i'd make a great mother some day. For some reason i never questioned my ability on that, despite my constant self-deprecation in just about everything else. But as much as I knew it was something that would come naturally for me, i didn't think about it much. if that makes sense. Now that i'm older though, i think about it more.. to the point where a few months ago, if i have to be honest, i was a little jealous of my younger sister because she was expecting my nephew Zachary.

I remember when I had that scare, those few months where i didn't know what was wrong with me and my period had conveniently decided to disappear.. while at first I tried to deny that pregnancy was a possibility, i came to accept it.. and even in a way, hope for it. The funny thing was, i had made the decision that even though the ex and I were still together at that point, had i found out i WAS expecting i was going to do it on my own. It's weird i guess, i stayed with him because in a way i wanted to have everything my parents didn't, i wanted to have a happy, healthy relationship with someone i could call my best friend, my equal.. but at the same time, it wasn't something i sought. hmm.

Anyhow, i'm rambling. So yeah, i think about having children. And while i know i have a lot to work out before that time comes, i also know that even if it happened sooner than i expected (like now, for example), i really believe i'd rock at it.

Trust me, i realize moms don't use the word "rock" unless it's to scold little Billy for having thrown one through the neighbor's window.

So in conclusion, i'm weird, i'm having parental urges way too early and i have a crapload of growing up to do.

Yes, i got all that just ten pages into a scrapbook magazine. Imagine what the latest issue of Parent would do to me. ugh.

Welcome to my crazy crazy world, ladies and gentlemen.

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