Moving on..
Thurs. 12.11.03 - 1:45 p.m.

Feeling:
Listening:
Quote:

In an effort to move on i'm trying to focus back on finding a new job and a new place to live. I've also decided i'm going to start looking at jobs in SF too.. i mean, i've always wanted to live there.. i just stopped considering it an option because my ex hated it there. But like a very wise person told me once "you're not with him anymore, so what's holding you back?" and it's true. now's my chance to follow my dreams.. focus on me. I'm really excited at the thought of living there.. very scared too though, i must admit. but as my friends keep assuring me.. "it'll be good for you."

it'll be nice to see where i'm at six months or a year from now. i hope the answer to that will be happy and independent.

I've decided that i'm not going to give up on the idea of the four children, the dog, and even the cat. I'll find my own hilltop in Italy. Maybe someday i'll even get my own place in NY. For now though, i'll start with conquering SF. =) I'm also going to stick with my original plan of being alone for a while. If this experience has taught me anything, it's that i have a lot of things i need to work out with myself. Some alone time will be great for me. I've also decided that i'm only going to take the best away from this situation. I will cherish the 4 weeks i spent with someone that i came to care greatly for. I will cherish the memory of the person who made me happy, gave me support and made me feel loved and beautiful. I will remember the things he taught me.. about life, friendships, trust, and even the nontrivial things like how to say a few words in italian. And if he's reading this now.. all i have to say is Thank You. I don't know what your intention was, but you showed me that i can feel again. For four weeks, iew, i loved you with everything. You gave me someone wonderful to care about during the time we spent together. You showed me the best parts of myself.. and the notsogreat parts so i know what to improve upon during my alone time. So yes, thank you for all of that. And if you ever decide to come back into my life.. next time, have the faith in yourself to show me the real you.. because i'm sure i would have liked that person too.

but i digress.

So I had something good happen to me yesterday, despite everything. My friend Anita found a scrapbook store in the area (there's seven as it is). As soon as she saw it, she thought of me. She felt that this would be the perfect part-time job for me (in addition to any new job i will get). ANYWAY, from the moment i walked into the place i was impressed. These people definitely know what they're doing. So i showed them my most recent work.. and they hired me on the spot. I felt AWESOME! they were so impressed with my stuff.. i love it when that happens. It's a feeling i can't describe. But yeah, so i start teaching classes in January. How exciting!

Well, i better jet.. my friends and i are going out for margaritas tonight and they're picking me up early. yay!

Ciao.

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