Crushed
Wed. 12.10.03 - 11:49 p.m.

Feeling:
Listening:
Quote:

I feel like the whole world has come crashing down around me. I know i tend to overexaggerate when it comes to my feelings.. but this time, i'm actually being modest.

I fell in love with a man after knowing him for just four weeks. Some say this is not possible.. it wasn't really love. Well, it doesn't matter what the circumstances were.. i really did fall in love with him. At least, with the person that he allowed me to see. I realize how crazy this makes me sound.. and yeah, maybe i'm so completely lost at the moment.. especially after everything i've been through this year.. but he made me feel alive again. I felt loved, cherished and beautiful when i was with him. He gave me confidence in myself. He was my best friend for four weeks. He listened to my rants.. showed interest in how i felt and what i believed in. There were signs all along the way that maybe he wasn't being totally honest with me, but i refused to see those signs. Partially because i wanted to believe that my ex had been wrong.. fairy tales can come true. But mostly because i fell in love with this man, Ethan.

I don't know if he decided to go away because i did something wrong.. or because i started to realize he wasn't telling me everything.. but the sad part is, i didn't care if he was lying about those things anymore. Because the person he showed me had to have come from somewhere, right. God, he was so perfect for me.. more perfect than i ever could have hoped a partner would be. and now i'll never get to speak to him again.. wherever he is though, i hope that he is happy and safe and knows that he is loved. Because he still is.. and it'll take me a while to get over this hurt.. but i'm not sure i can ever get over how great he was and how good he made me feel.. enough to find someone else who could make me just as happy. no, i'm not sure that's possible...

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