be careful what you wish for
Sat. 07.30.05 - 8:52 a.m.

Feeling: miserable
Listening: nothing.
Quote:

Looks like things are over between J and i, i guess. I have to GUESS because we've barely talked to eachother this past week and we didn't talk at all yesterday aside from the few snarly emails sent. The last one i got from him was thanking me for hurting him.. and that's the last thing he's said to me. He didn't call me last night which, i have to admit i was sort of expecting and hoping. As much as i don't even know what to say to him.. i miss him tremendously. You can't just fall out of love with someone overnight.. though now i'm wishing i could. It would make this all so much easier. There's just been so much misunderstanding, miscommunication, hurt and resentment in this whole ordeal.. i don't know how to fix it. Besides, looks as if things here are irrepairable. I called him this morning.. maybe as an excuse because i really just wanted to see how he was and hear his voice.. but he didn't answer. That pretty much confirmed it all for me. So i left him a message asking what he wanted to do about our trip to reno (next friday!) and his flight. I told him he could have it, but i need to know what he wants to do with it so i can call and change it all.

right now all i want to do is lock myself up away in my room. i feel so nauseous. i took a x@n@x last night so i could calm down enough to get a decent night's sleep. it helped a little, but i still woke up a few times. I want so badly to take another but i'm stuck at work all day today. Perhaps when i go home tonight.. or maybe i'll just drink till i pass out. fun fun fun.

This isn't what i wanted, but i guess i'm getting it anyway.

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