The Prude
Mon. 03.22.04 - 11:23 p.m.

Feeling: Contemplative
Listening:
Quote:

I just got called prudish.

ME.

A PRUDE.

A friend and I were having a conversation about, of all things, ex sex. He was making an argument about how it's some of the best he's ever had.. and i just completely had to disagree. I mean.. i know i'm going to sound SO completely naive and hopelessly pathetic romantic here, but i just prefer not to have sex with someone i don't care about. I'm an emotional person. sometimes overly. I really think that if i were to have sex with someone, i would end up caring about them.. and if it just so happened that i ended up NOT caring about them.. it would leave me feeling empty.

Who wants to feel that way?

Doing that with an ex would leave me feeling like crap. Think of my recent ex. I don't love him. I don't WANT to share that part of myself with him.

hmm.. maybe that's it. to me, that's a part of yourself you don't just show to anyone that comes along. If you did.. it would lose meaning after a while, no? *I* think so, at least.

Or maybe i'm just worried about keepin' my numbers low. hehehe

oh and by the way. i SO don't think i fall in love easily. I admit i CARE easily about people.. but i really don't think i fall easily. I realize that i'm the kind of person that falls hard. The only way to protect myself from that is to be careful of who i fall for. Obviously i haven't been a good judge of that.. but i'm learning. =)


hamak0san: you're a guy. i dun think you'd get it
buddha: nope
buddha: i mean. dont u ever see or meet some guy that ure instantly sexually attracted to
hamak0san: yeah.. and in that case, i'd CONSIDER it
buddha: i sure u didnt tell urself i wanna get to know him n care about him before i f him
hamak0san: but with an ex.. i dunno.. i don't know why, but it feels wrong. like, that chapter was closed and i dont care about him like that so why am i still having sex with him
hamak0san: actually that IS the case.. i dunno if i could sleep with someone i just met
hamak0san: i'd have to know them for a little
hamak0san: and if i didnt.. i'd regret it and hate myself for it
buddha: ure still tying it into something else
buddha: sex can just be all about sex
buddha: nothing else
buddha: ure tying it into ur history with him
buddha: which really has no bearing imo
hamak0san: yeah i agree
hamak0san: i understand what you mean
hamak0san: but i also stick with what i said.. i don't want the two seperated
buddha: ure so prudish heheh
hamak0san: haha nah
hamak0san: i think i just value it. guys don't. it's diff for them
buddha: we do. but sometimes u go into it totally feeling the love thing. other times its all just primal urge
buddha: n i think its just super intense when both r feeling the latter
buddha: esp when its two that have been separated for a bit
hamak0san: yeah
hamak0san: 'cepti'djust rather it be with someone i care about. to me it's better that way
buddha: i mean. of course i would rather have someone i loved. but for me, the most memorable were with the ones i broke up with or was on a break with
hamak0san: maybe i am prudish then
buddha: but oh well. whats cool to me isnt cool to others
buddha: so u telling me some insanely hot guy u just met asks u to. n u would talk urself out of wat ur hormones r trying to get u to do?
hamak0san: no.. i'm stupid enough to do it. but i would hate myself after
hamak0san: cuz i would know it meant nothing
buddha: wat i dont get is... attraction is a feeling. cant control it.. love is a feeling. yet u try to control it with thought and reason
buddha: attraction n love r almost the same to me
buddha: one just lasts a lot longer
hamak0san: *I* try to control love with thought and reason?
hamak0san: nah, to me it's not
buddha: or u try to
hamak0san: like, attraction is SO way less than love
buddha: in ur mind u reason it that way
buddha: but it feels the same
hamak0san: it may FEEL the same.. doesn't mean it IS the same
buddha: tell me how they r different in terms of how ur body reacts. not how ur brain processes it
hamak0san: of course there's no difference
hamak0san: but just because you body can't tell the diff.. dun mean that there isn't any
buddha: so u admits its all in ur head
buddha: ur own definition of love n attraction
buddha: so u use ur definitions to control that feeling
hamak0san: hehe of course.. nothin wrong with that
hamak0san: like, why would i have sex with just anyone. having sex with someone to me, means sharing myself with a person that i don't share with just anyone.. that makes me vulnerable.. why the hell be vulnerable to someone who doesn't care.
hamak0san: obviously we're just having sex so he doesn't care
hamak0san: WHY put myself in danger of being hurt that way
hamak0san: (this is in the case of a stranger)
hamak0san: NOT in the case of an ex
hamak0san: it's diff with exes and with strangers
buddha: i dont see how u r making urself vulnerable
buddha: of course u gotta be careful bout protection from shit
hamak0san: haha thats not what i meant
hamak0san: i meant emotionally
hamak0san: girls have a tendency to get attached
buddha: but i can still see u equate sex with love
hamak0san: no i equate love with sex
hamak0san: not sex with love
buddha: same diff. without one there is no other
hamak0san: not true. you can have sex with someone and not care
buddha: yes, but u r arguing against that
hamak0san: all i'm sayin is.. i don't like situations like that
buddha: all im saying that sex can just be about having fun n releasing certain tensions/frustrations. does not have to have anything to do with love or feelings
buddha: and its perfectly fine both ways
buddha: u r not worse of a person if u do one or the other or both
hamak0san: like i said.. i totally see where you're coming from.. i just know i couldn't do it. i'd feel empty
buddha: because u think u'd be not as good of a person for it?
hamak0san: i dunno if that's it.. i look at it like that's something that i wouldn't just do with anyone. i mean.. do you have sex with ANY girl you pass on the street? 'course not. if you did.. how special would it be. like, for your next girlfriend.. how would she be any special if you'd do that with anyone else, you know?
buddha: not just anyone. but someone u r really attracted to
hamak0san: attraction is an empty feeling in my mind
hamak0san: attraction fades after time
hamak0san: then what you got?
hamak0san: some person you sleep with
hamak0san: that's it
buddha: n no, i dont gauge the specialness (i kno thats not a word) of sex with a girl. i gauge how much i care for her if she is special
hamak0san: not following ya
buddha: ok to me, sex is not special. sometimes its better with certain someones, but it doesnt make it more special. what IS special is the feelings between u two outside of the sex
hamak0san: oooooooooh ok
hamak0san: see that's where we differ
hamak0san: sex.. is SO something i would only do with someone i love or care a LOT about
hamak0san: anyone else.. and it would make me feel empty
hamak0san: like something was missing
buddha: i guess thats just how it is with u. the love = sex. where those 2 have to be together or its unfulfilling
hamak0san: exactly!
buddha: u r either a prude or fall in love really easily heheh cuz if i only had sex with those i loved or cared a lot about, it wouldnt be very many at all
buddha: but if i like a girl or am attracted to her, then i wouldnt hesistate
buddha: unless shes a dirty whore
buddha: but only for a few mins
buddha: we dont have to be in love, or even close

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