The Weight of the World
Sat. 02.21.04 - 12:11 p.m.

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Listening:
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blahh WHY didn't i just go back to bed? WHY did i decide to call my sister to "catch up" for a bit.

I'm a HUGE worrier. I've always been one, probably always will be. I've gotten a LOT better at controlling it than when i was a kid, but the one thing that i can never seem to control are my worries over my family. If something's going on back home i get this urge to immediately book a seat on the quickest flight out to Hawaii.

Sometimes it's just little things, other times it's really big things. No matter what though, i always pick up the burden of their troubles and carry it on my shoulders.. till i find a way to fix it, or the problem resolves itself. I dont' stop worrying until that happens.

My brother's having a lot of trouble with school and this REALLY scares me. My stomach's in knots over it. I don't know why it bothers me that much, but it does. I worry SO much about him, that he won't live up to his full potential.. so when something like this happens, i can't help but be sick over it. ugh. Apparently he also hurt his knee at school yesterday, my 16 yo sis is having trouble dealing with the fact that she's graduating soon (which means she has to move out and go to college) and my mom's always sick. I've been thinking a lot about my grandpa lately too.. but whenever i ask my mom about him, she just says he's fine and changes the subject. I KNOW what that means.

Am i selfish for not calling home very often because it always leaves me feeling tense and stressed out?

blahh i didn't think it was possible for my head to hurt any more than it already does.

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