Hope Shouldn't Always Be Allowed To Float
Sat. 01.24.04 - 11:09 p.m.

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I have this friend. Despite my attempts otherwise, i'm afraid i'm getting too attached to him. It's the last thing i need.

I have to admit though, i've always thought he was a really great catch. He's supremely funny, disgustingly intelligent and super sweet too. He's been a really wonderful friend to have around.

I tried to keep telling myself that despite his wonderful qualities i only thought of him as JUST a friend. And i still do.. but i can't really deny it to myself anymore that in a way, i kindasortalikehimjustalittle. blah there i said it.

i hate myself for thinking that though, you know? because i hate having false hope. I mean, as well as we get along, we're also really different.. he wants different things. i wish that weren't true.. but it is. And he could never really take me seriously. Hypothetically if he did, it still wouldn't have a chance.. because like i said, he wants different things and i'd probably find a way to screw it all up anyway.

i hate how i take people's kindess and support wrong sometimes. He's just being a friend, and yet i have this stupid hope deep down that maybe, just maybe...

ugh. fine. i'll shut up. but i'm still allowed to be happy. Which is what i feel right now, pretty much because that's how i always feel after talking to him. So there. You can be happy, but no more hope. Recognize and acknowledge the boundaries.

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