Hope Floats
Thurs. 01.08.04 - 6:48 p.m.

Feeling:
Listening:
Quote:

You know, i was thinking yesterday about how odd it is that the ex and I ended up this way. I mean, even after everything we've been through, even after all the harsh things that he's said to me.. there was a love there once, you know?

I started thinking about all the things that we shared together. He was the first guy I ever traveled with. The first one I ever lived with. The first person I was completely comfortable with. The first person I ever really loved. He was there for me when my grandmother died. He was my first friend when I moved to California. As up and down as our relationship was.. it had its shining moments. That's the kind of thing i want to walk away remembering. Not petty name-calling. Not overblown arguments. I want to take away only the good.

I'll never understand why people who love eachother so much at one point in their lives, can turn out to have so much anger and resentment at another point. I don't know.. maybe it's because of that old saying about how those who love us have the power to hurt us the most. But why does it have to be that way? Why can't you just decide "you're not the one for me, i loved you, i'm not in love with you anymore but i wish you the best." and let that be that? Why do people have to make things hard or make things complicated? You don't have to.

You know, if it were all up to me.. i'd wish we could just walk away from this really good friends. The more i think about it, i don't see that happening though. Maybe we'll be civil and not argue, but i don't think we'd end up becoming old pals. But i can't help but hold out hope. Therefore it's true what they say.. hope floats.

I made dinner tonight, i guess it was kinda my own little peace offering. We haven't talked since Tuesday. After he got home from work today, we stayed away from eachother for a little. But it didn't take long before he broke the silence and asked, "Are you making dinner?"
"Uh huh"
"Smells good. Roast?"
"Yep."
"Can I have some?"
"Of course"
"Thanks"

So that's how we started to be civil to eachother again. I told him what my plans were.. to finish packing my stuff up, sell what i didn't want and whatever things we owned together. He said that was fine with him.. offered to help me with some things if i needed it. I think that's a step in the right direction. We just need to be adult about this. Remain civil and i could probably be outta here within 2 weeks. Hopefully sooner. Ciao for now.

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