Powerless
Thurs. 01.01.04 - 11:47 a.m.

Feeling:
Listening:
Quote:

blahhh i just watched the Japanese version of The Ring. Ugh. i have to admit, it wasn't as scary because it was in Japanese and i'm not fluent, so i had to read the subtitles.. which just takes away from the whole experience. BUT! ahhh this was the first time i actually watched the scene where she comes out of the tv... ahhhhhhhh scary scary...

i'm so gonna have nightmares..

blahh which brings me to something i've been trying to ignore. for a while now, every night, when i fall asleep.. i dream that i'm falling. Falling from somewhere really high. As i fall, i'm scrambling to try to catch hold of something, to stop myself from falling.. but i'm never successful. The dream is always so real, i swear i can feel myself falling through the air.. getting closer and closer to the ground below.. and in that split second, right before i hit the ground.. i wake up.

ugh. i know this is my subconscious just letting me know how i feel about where my life is at right now. Everything's out of control.. and there's nothing i can do to make it go in the direction i want it to. You know, times like these are really hard on a person like myself.. i don't like feeling like i don't have control of the situations that i'm in. I hate it when my fate relies upon other people. I don't like that one bit.

I need to find a way to take control of my life again.. or at least find a way to feel like i do.

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