Past & Present
12.29.03 - 6:35 p.m.

Feeling:
Listening:
Quote:

ugh. not a good moment right now.

the ex was a little mean earlier, ended up leaving the apartment in a huff leaving me to settle for just swearing under my breath instead of at him. grrr. he knows exactly how to get to me.. and i let him do it. every time.. it never fails.

After he left, i decided to take my mind off things and busy myself with packing some stuff. My back was killing me after about an hour of bending over though.. so i decided to take a rest and check emails.. somehow i got sidetracked and landed upon my guestbook. I don't know what posessed me to go to the first entry in my guestbook.. that infamous curiosty of mine, i suppose. The first entry was from my ex.. and it was so weird, reading it. It was written about 5 years ago, we'd only known eachother for a year.. ehhh it's just weird. he was a different person to me then. yeah, i know, i was a different person too... but it's more than that. He was so much nicer, kinder, supportive.. now all i get from him is bitterness or anger, 'cept when he wants something from me.. then it's just manipulation masked by sugary sweetness.

I WANT so badly to not think that way.. but how can i when all he does is show me that side of himself? I know i'm not the greatest person in the world, but am i really as bad as he thinks i am?

blah.

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