Sunday Wrap-up
Sun. 12.21.03 - 9:47 p.m.

Feeling:
Listening:
Quote:

I attended a dinner party tonight for work. It was nice.. 'cept i didn't really eat anything because i felt sick. I don't know what's going on with me lately, but everytime i eat, i get sick. It makes me just want to stay away from food altogether because seriously, the nausea is just no fun at all. It's because of that i came home a bit early.

Alias is on right now.. and although it's a rerun, which means i've seen it before.. i still can't help but get choked up again over the conversation the main characters have in this episode. i know, i'm lame, it's just a tv show.. but really it's more than that. i mean, the reason it gets to me is because i'm watching it and i can't help but think "i want that. i want a love like that." and then of course it's always followed by.. "why can't i have that?" damn hollywood.. putting ideas into little girls' heads. making them believe that they too, can have a love like that. until the day something happens.. the day they grow up.. and come to realize that life isn't like that. there's no fairy tale. men don't love like that. women will always feel unfulfilled.

and of course to top it all off.. The Gap commercial just came on. blah

i feel bad for complaining in here so much. i feel like i'm so ungrateful. i mean, at least i'm alive.. at least i'm healthy. i have a family and great friends. i feel guilty for feeling like i'm missing something. dammit why can't i have it all? why can't i have him too.. i love him. you hear that, universe? I LOVE HIM. and your messing with my heart is just cruel.. why can't you just play nice and let me have this. just this once, please.. i won't ask for anything else, ever again..

blahhhhhh i'm so emotional. i think i'm pmsing. ugh. it's like i said before.. i hate myself right now.

i need to quit complaining and start being thankful. ok here goes.. five things i'm thankful for today:

1. i'm thankful that my family and friends are alive and healthy.

2. i'm thankful that i was able to find someone who was there for me, made me feel loved, and has been a great friend.. no matter how it all ends up playing out.

3. i'm thankful that i've found an apartment in SF. at least i think i have.. i still have to settle it all. (i'll tell you more about it next time)

4. i'm thankful that i'm strong. no matter how weak i'm being at the moment.. i'll always find a way to get through somehow.

5. i'm thankful that Alias was created. because seriously, that show rocks.

ok, i feel better now.

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