a letter for you
Wed. 12.03.03 - 4:38 p.m.

Feeling:
Listening:
Quote:

Dear Grandma,

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I always miss you, but it's the hardest at times like this. I haven't cried for you in a while, but I guess today was just one of those days. I miss being able to call you.. having you answer the phone, "what's up?" My reply would usually be "nothin, i'm just bored" so you'd try to find something interesting for us to talk about. I miss our talks grandma. Life is not the same without you. Everything is so different. I'm different too. I wish you could see me, how far i've come, who i've become. You always were my greatest supporter. My personal cheerleader. I need you so much right now. It's not fair.. why is it always the good ones. I'm sorry i didn't come to see you while i was home. Part of it was just that i've been so wrapped up in my own issues lately.. but i guess the other part is that it's just too hard to see you that way. It just brings it all home; that you're gone and never coming back. And there's not a damn thing i can do about it. I promise i'll come to visit you soon.. as soon as i can.. but that might now be for a while. I'm sure you know everything that's been happening lately. It was really hard to make the decision to break up with him. He was there for me when i lost you.. i couldn't have dealt with it if he hadn't been there. Maybe that's part of why i held on for so long. I felt like losing him would feel like losing you again. I don't know if that makes sense...

I'm trying really hard to make you proud of me. I'm starting over.. going out on my own. I'm going to finish school, i promise. I met someone. He's so good to me.. He loves me completely, unconditionally. It feels so good. After I lost you i never thought i'd ever be able to find that again.. I really believe that he could be it. I hope he is.. you'd love him.

Anyway, I won't keep you much longer.. I just missed you and felt like talking a bit. I hope you're ok wherever you are. Know that you're loved and missed dearly..

love,
me

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