When Will This End?
Tues. 12.02.03 - 11:59 a.m.

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blahh. So today has not been a good day so far. The ex and I had our first fight since we broke up. I thought the whole point of breaking up was so you didn't have to put up with that kinda stuff anymore. blah The thing is, i dunno if i was out of line or not. He's been acting really weird for the past two days.. really quiet, almost snappish if i try to strike up a casual conversation. So i called him on it; asked him what was bothering him but he just got mad and said that he was just trying to do his own thing, and letting me do mine. makes sense. 'cept he wasn't acting like this before. Why the sudden change? I guess maybe now it's all starting to sink in. For the both of us.

The thing is, I know he's right. it's just really weird to go from being in love with someone that much to falling out of love with them. I tried to tell him that, but he just got angry and asked me why the hell i even cared. I guess he's of the opinion that love is like a light switch that can be turned off with the flick of a switch. Just because i'm not in love with him doesn't mean i still don't love him as someone who shared a great part of my life with me. He disagreed. Apparently I've just transferred my feelings from one person to another. I beg to differ. My feelings were gone way before we broke up. I wasn't looking for another relationship, and i didn't stumble onto it until after the breakup. But he refuses to believe that. While talking to him though, i realized, and i told him this as well, that it doesn't really matter what he thinks anymore. If he wants to blame me then i'm going to try to be ok with that. If that's what he needs to believe, that i'm so horrible, then i'll give him that. He can have that.

Man, just 58 more days to go and i'm out of here..

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